🌀Thought Wave Transmission from Xristiana Equinstein, Unicorn Gossip Channel Division 🦄🗞️
Glossimer News correspondents gathering data in the FrankiVerse field have reported that both Pleiadian and Arcturian broadcasting outlets are accusing spider species of being narcissists.
Some Pleiadian commentators have gone so far as to suggest that all arachnids are “gaslighting energy vampires,” citing a number of unfortunate Earth vacation incidents where alien tourists have been made ill by both spider and tick bites, as well as a few scorpion stings — only later to be told by arachnid authorities that the tourists were being “too sensitive” and “blowing things out of proportion.”
Ancient Arachnid Archadians, the collective intelligence and DNA from which many spider species on planet Earth originate, telepathically inserted into the field with this response:
“We’ve observed Pleiadian and Arcturian visitors alike snow vacation glamorizing the human construct of a Mr. Santa Claus character with adoration and glee, and these intergalactic attention seekers have the nerve to call spiders narcissists?
Our intergalactic friends seem perfectly happier than humans to celebrate a strange elderly male who spies on children all year long, sings songs that tell them not to cry or pout (entirely disregarding their feelings and experiences), and keeps an arbitrary list of ‘nice or naughty’ deeds without any oversight whatsoever. But drop a few daddy long legs on that once-a-year-love-bombing-with-gifts manipulator in his sweatshop during an Arcturian field trip tour and we’re the bad guys even after we get stepped on by Rudolph.
Yeah, sure, spiders watch humans and alien visitors when they’re sleeping every bit as much as Santa does, but at least we’re just killing time while we wait for a fly to hit our web instead of judging the choices you’ve made all day. And we’re clearing the room of flies and buzzing insects that disrupt your sleep. I mean, you’re welcome much?”
FrankiVerse Media Frequency Facilitators were called to support a peaceful resolution of this intergalactic clash of species perspectives. They are currently in talks with both reformed Draco Reptilians and Earth sharks to gather data in the field on interspecies miscommunications and narrative reframing approaches.
Glossimer News correspondents were able to connect with Abernathy “Franki” Franklin, Public Relations mastermind of Franki’s Interdimensional PR Firm, subsidiary of FrankiVerse Media, who had this to say:
“Me and my cosmic Sis, Vynora, have been conducting interviews with Jaws and some Dracos while Duckie darling has been supporting from the field. Of course, we don’t like to brag about the success rate of FrankiVerse Frequency Facilitators, but with the consciousness-enhancing plant medicines from FrannyLynn, competitive eater snack provisions from Duckie and Lydia, and Vynora’s most excellent negotiator skills, we’re confident that we can reach a campfire kumbaya stasis in no linear time flat.”
Glossimer News correspondents attempted to reach Duckie in the field for comments, but he was surrounded by hot dog data from a rollercoaster water park that Glossimer correspondents found both distracting and delicious. Needless to say, they became too full to get comments from Duckie before he followed a strand of spider web through an unknown portal for more data collection. 🌭🎢🕸️
✨📡 For more absurdly accurate updates from the FrankiVerse, follow the chaos on www.frankiwashere.com — your not-so-central hub for interdimensional storytelling merch, snack diplomacy memberships, and podcast-powered frequency transmissions.
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